2005-02-11 - 00:44

He lives in a pineapple, for the love of Mike.

For a good five minutes after reading about the ‘we are family’ video and the Focus on the Family SpongeBob promotes the gay agenda! thing, I sat and just repeated the words, “I don’t get it.” I don’t get being against tolerance of all kinds in a setting that is supposed to foster the free exchange of ideas. I don’t get quashing a dialogue before it even begins. I don’t get telling people they are wrong because they feel a certain way. I don’t get it because at that age, you don’t just hear, “being gay is wrong.” You hear, “You are not right. You are wrong.” And, you hear that continuously, it becomes really easy to believe. What’s more, it becomes something you internalize. Now, you don’t have to tell me I’m wrong. I’ll catch myself and lay into me better than you ever could.

Telling little kids they are wrong from the get-go creates more problems than it solves. You create kids with that internal feedback loop-- No one loves me. Why? Because I’m no good. I suck. I suck. I suck. Everything we heard growing up and internalized, everything that has contributed to how we view the world and our place in it. Think about it. What if all of what you believed about yourself amounted to you are wrong.

Now, I’m not a moral authority of any kind and I’m also not a biologist. Maybe it really is a choice to be gay and maybe it really is the wrong choice. Honestly, I don’t care. Who you fuck is only my business if I’m on the list of people you’re fucking. I need to know so I don’t unintentionally lie on the questionnaire at the blood bank. Admittedly, not caring what other people do in their bedrooms has as lot to do with not wanting people not in my bedroom interested in what goes on in my bedroom. Again, if I’m not fucking you, its none of your business.

I suppose the problem isn’t the bedroom, though. I suppose the problem is that people like having relationships that are more than just sex. People like to cuddle and hold hands and know that if they’re incapacitated the people who know them best and love them most are the people who will be taking care of them. And, if that is wrong, let us at least admit that it is a possibility and discuss why its wrong. You can’t change what you’re blatantly ignoring.

Let’s teach our children logic and reasoning skills. Lets not back them into a corner and then hand them a box of razor blades. Lets give them the opportunity to problem solve and reach their own conclusions. I’m not a big fan of children, but for the most part they are quite bright and observant. Maybe we should stop always telling them they are wrong and point out a little of what they are doing right.

And, as for SpongeBob, stop it. He’s fictional. Teaching our children the boundary between reality and fiction is a worthy task. But, if that is not enough for you, according to my encyclopedia, most sponges are asexual. That means SpongeBob is not slipping it to anyone because he has nothing to slip. If you really want something to crusade after, maybe you should fixate on the Hemaphroditic, meowing snail or the squirrel in the space suit. Might I remind you that SpongeBob’s show takes place under the sea. What is a squirrel doing in the ocean? Talk about unnatural. Screwy squirrel.

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Artificial Sound for the Artificial World: The Birth of Cool--Miles Davis

Still more noir than you are.