2005-07-07 - 15:28

Cooler Than You Are: Anne Lamott

Sitting on the flight to Philadelphia that would never end with tears clinging to the corners of my eyes I thought, “I hate you, Anne Lamott. I hate you for writing essays about your mother and your dog and G.W. that have touched me in a way that I’m sitting on an airplane in tears.” Which isn’t true, I don’t hate her. I just don’t like showing emotion in public.

I’ve been reading Anne Lamott’s Plan B and her casual, these are some things I’ve just figured out style of writing is comfortable and entertaining. The world isn’t really teaming with role models for young women these days, but I’ve totally come to think of her as a hero. This book is written how I’d like to write, without pretense. Just, “oi. This is who I am and this is what I am thinking. You’re welcome to whatever part of it you’d like.”

Prior to reading this, I read Ursula K. LeGuin’s Very Far Away from Anywhere Else, which I also found to be moving. In one hundred and thirty-three pages it tells the story of Owen Griffiths’s crawling out from under his rock and learning to be human. Most days I find it much easier to be a snarky malcontent than an actual human being, so I appreciated the tale. LeGuin gets what its like to be smart and involved and Anne Lamott gets what its like to be a little crazy and to care a whole lot about things. This is reflected in their work. I like finding things that are like this because most days my goal is to try and be smart, involved, caring and comfortable with my craziness despite being angry/disappointed/bitter/disgusted/frustrated/what-have-you. As it turns out, I need very little encouragement in being the latter and a lot in order to be the former.

While reading Plan B even when I was tearing up I wanted to laugh. (Laughter, Lamott tells us, is, “carbonated holiness.”) Seven chapters in Lamott discusses coming to forgive her mother with imagery that was familiar and conveyed a sense of intimacy. She said, “I assumed Jesus wanted me to forgive her, but I also know he loves honesty and transparency. I don’t think he was rolling his eyes impatiently at me... I don’t think much surprises him: this is how we make important changes–barely, poorly, slowly. And still, he raises his fist in triumph.” I’m a big fan of the triumphant fist raise. I’ve been known to do it after the barista hands me my coffee. I also like that forgiveness like getting rid of hiccups, is something that happens “barely, poorly, slowly.” Its that thing you do because you’ve been told you should do it, because you know its right. You don’t like doing it but you do it anyway, like eating peas.

My friend Elizabeth read Traveling Mercies and has been suggesting that I read it for about a year now. Even though I have a lot of respect for Elizabeth’s literary opinion it took, I can’t believe I’m about to admit this in print, O Magazine’s Sex issue to actually introduce me to her writing. Yes, that’s right. Hi, My name is Katharine and I read Oprah’s magazine.

In the sex issue there was an essay by Lamott in which she discussed two things:1. That she was no longer going to purposely lose tennis matches with boyfriends 2. Vibrators. (There may have been other things that were discussed, but these are the things that stuck in my mind.) And all of this happened inside a mainstream publication. Score one for feminism–women asserting their independence and claiming their sexuality as their own. Cha-ching.

In the television show Sports Night Jeremy says at some point, “I understand why a woman would think a man is better than nothing. But, I’ll never understand what makes her think she has nothing to begin with.” Being able to not throw a tennis match is understanding what you have to begin with. Its not settling. To throw tennis matches against boyfriends is to be less than what you are-on purpose- in order to not be alone. Also, it says that you have little faith in the relationship. And settling isn’t compromise. When you come to terms with things and meet in the middle you compromise. In a good compromise you both give something up. In settling, you give something up without discussion or coming to any form of understanding. I think the world would be a better place if we all heard, “Don’t settle” a little more often.

About two years ago I taught my sister to play chess. We went through how all the pieces move and how to construct a strategy. We discussed how you want to think about more than one move at a time and look at the board in terms of options instead of wondering,“okay, now what do I do?” In the beginning she lost a lot. That’s a bit of an understatement actually, in the beginning she lost all the time. But the matches got closer and closer and now she wins. Now, we flip for white instead of her getting to be white as my bribe to get her to play. When we were little we were taught that if we settle for being less than we are the world never gets any better. And there are a lot of things about this world that could use a change.

So, Plan B is warm and honest and angry and funny and touching. The book is subtitled “further thoughts on faith” and her thoughts on the subject lean left. One would not be wrong in saying she is not a fan of George W. But even when she’s busy not liking someone, Lamott is also trying to follow the tenets of her faith.She tells stories illustrating how she tried to, at the very least, not add to the misery of others. That is an easy thing to fail at. One of my favorite essays in the book she discusses how Jesus wants you to love your enemies and what that would mean. She points out that Jesus led by example, that he “ate with sinners-but of course they ended up killing him.” So, there she is again, reminding me not to settle for the comfort of my dislikes but to try and be a better person and love the people I don’t like.

Anne Lamott discusses the things that are just hard to be honest about. Her writing is candid and inviting. Plan B was a nice little reminder that forgiveness, love, and acceptance are good things and that I should embrace them. Also, it made me laugh. She’s made it onto my heros list which includes Christine de Pisan, Gandhi, Brassai, my Aunt Wini, and Ursula K. LeGuin. For these reasons, she is cooler than you are.

0 Comments

Artificial Sound for the Artificial World: Punk-o-rama 10

Still more noir than you are.